The inspiration for this route came from Ed Wang's fatass 100 miler around San Diego which he started putting on in 2016 called "Best of San Diego 100". Being born and raised in San Diego, a local Native and having spent a lot of the last 32 years becoming intimately familiar with San Diego, I naturally wanted to do his race and thought it would be an awesome idea to create a similar course for the 200 mile distance. I began plotting out a map for the 200 mile course I had in mind in 2019 and started course scouting to make sure everything was passable. I was familiar with most of what I mapped out but I needed to check out the areas I hadn't yet done. The goal was to make the first 35% mainly road and the 2nd 65% all or mostly trail, by connecting the city to the mountain trails of San Diego that we all love so much. The other goal was to commit the entire course to memory like I had done with the BoSD course, that way I wouldn't have to rely on technology to function properly for my run. After months of working on a bunch of different routes, including one that extended all the way to the border and out towards Japatul, I decided in November of 2020 to just pull the trigger on the most doable route as it currently stood. I would have to wrap up some loose trail ends by just taking some roads instead of finding trails in that area, but I no longer wanted to use that as an excuse for not getting this goal of mine done.
I originally had wanted to start at Torrey Pines with the BoSD race but since a huge gap between Pamo Valley and Escondido still existed in my route I decided to start in Escondido so that way I could finish 3 miles short of a full loop, instead of having to run down the dangerous highway 78 (which was never really an option). This allowed me to essentially do the whole route without getting "stuck" at Pamo Valley with 50 miles to go.
I decided to start on Friday November 20, 2020 at 5am at the San Pasqual Staging area off Bandy Canyon Rd. My A-goal was to finish the 203 mile route in 60 hours. Some people might have considered this ambitious but I had 100% confidence in my fitness and training to be able to do that time comfortably. That is 2 and a half days for 200 miles. Most 200 milers allow for 4 days to complete the race, averaging 50 miles a day. I set a cutoff for myself of 3 days, 72 hours. I didn't just want to cover 200 miles, I wanted to run as much of it as I could and do it as fast as I could while still being able to enjoy it. 60 hours was an entirely achievable goal. My body knew this. My mind knew this. I intuited this from both my body and my mind after thousands of miles of running. Keep in mind that the furthest I had gone up to this point was 151 miles during a 48H flat-ish looped race. I had trouble during that race and didn't perform up to my potential but nevertheless that was the furthest I had gone. I had also been doing 230 mile weeks for 4 weeks in a row in October and my body has become a distance running machine that specialized in recovery.
So the idea was to hit the first 100 in sub-24 hours and give myself a big cushion to hit the next 100 miles in 36 to 48 hours. The way I had designed the course was the "easy" miles first and the hard trail miles in the 2nd 100. Stupid, I know. But I wouldn't have done this route any other way in retrospect. The timing of everything was just absolutely perfect in terms of hitting certain spots at beautiful times.
I woke up at 3:30am on Friday morning and worked with Whitney, my all weekend crew and love of my life, to square out some of the details for the day. George Greco joined me at the start and we started exactly on time at 5:00am on Friday morning, in the dark cold San Pasqual Valley area. I had planned to do 12 min miles all the way through downtown, 100k point, when George did a good job in talking me down to a slower 13 min pace. I didn't want to go much slower than 13 min pace but that was absolutely fine. With such a long race there's no point going any faster than you have to or any faster than is wise. We picked up Allen Su who was at mile 10 with aid. We all rolled on the Hodges trails through the beautiful morning. They were both great company.
We reached mile 24 and George took a "swan dive" as he likes to call them and landed painfully on his hiking poles causing one of them to bend and break. We made sure he was alright and we continued on. At around mile 26 George and Allen were beginning to slow down and told me to continue on. I was moving comfortably at an 11:30 pace at that point and pulled into Del Mar and Torrey Pines (mile 35) with a huge smile on my face, as it was the most beautiful time of the day. Got some aid from Whitney and picked up my next pacer Heather for 15 miles she paced me through La Jolla and Pacific Beach. Around mile 47 we pulled onto the boardwalk right when Slomo was getting ready to start his rollerblading session. Talk about law of attraction. If you haven't seen the documentary on Slomo look it up, he's a local celebrity in PB and we are probably kindred spirits. Despite his name he actually was moving pretty quick, pulling ahead of us a good distance as people left and right were calling his name and exclaiming "there he is!" "SLOMO!" and other similar expressions of excitement. He finally stopped and sat down on the side of the Boardwalk to check something on his phone. As we passed him, I decided to double back and ask to take a selfie with him and told him I was running 200 miles around San Diego right now. He turned his head strongly in my direction, looking intently at my face trying hard to identify its features, and with a raised eyebrows extending over the top of his sunglasses he asked, "You're running 200 miles around San Diego?!"
"Yes," I responded and you could tell he recognized a person just like himself doing his own thing involving lateral movement as a form of meditation. I smiled at him and continued running down the boardwalk. Pretty cool synchronicity.
Hey! Its Becca and Ricky on beach cruisers, jumping in to pace me for a mile on this most beautiful afternoon. They were awesome to see and have join me and what a great idea with their cruisers! That looked like so much fun, but then again everything does when you do something like run 200 miles. I really enjoy their company and it was a great lift of spirits. Thank you so much for being such awesome, supportive and caring people.
Before Becca and Ricky and before Slomo, as I was on the boardwalk i have to say I was having the happiest moment of my entire run and probably the happiest running moment I've ever had. The boardwalk was full of people, music was playing, the sun was out, I was feeling fresh as a daisy nearly 50 miles into this run. As I was looking at people crossing paths with me and as I heard Sonny and Cher's "I got you babe" playing from one of the foodstands on the boardwalk, I had this moment of pure happiness and gratitude for being alive at that very moment.
I felt a moment of bliss for being alive in this moment of time with other humans as we're all beautifully fumbling around trying to make sense of this all. A gratitude for all we have created in this sliver of existence of the last 100 years. A moment of clarity that we are all One and connected. The opposite of loneliness.
I loved the stupidity of humans, how often we get things wrong and think so highly of ourselves. I loved the creativity of humans to create so much music that we collectively connect through via shared memories and familiarity with the song. I loved that we are all here together being part of an infinitely growing organism yet acting like we are all separate units. I loved humanity in all its errs and stupidity, beauty and ugliness. It was pretty cool.
These are the moments we must savor. We may not understand why they happen or where they come from, but when you're than genuinely happy, no matter what it's about, make it last and be entirely there. Do not stifle it. Laugh loudly and smile till your cheeks hurt. There's absolutely no reason to be embarrassed at looking or sounding silly. Life is ending and those moments are the epitome of why we are here. Do not waste them on the silliness of needing to look good or sane to this world of weird expectations for social behavior. None of this need be taken too seriously, but be as sincere as you can possibly be.
Time to pick up Alex! Surprise guest of Cassandra! Cool! We leave Belmont Park and head towards Sunset Cliffs to try to catch the sunset in time. Great company makes the miles go by quick! As we pull into Sunset Cliffs I see another surprise as Jeff Miller is there on the sidewalk ready to run! How awesome. We continue onwards as I run up the aptly named Hill St. I can't believe how good I was feeling at this point in the run.
Jeff's friend Brian lives right off Talbot and was awesome enough to have a little aid station for us in front of his garage. I so appreciate him for doing this especially so last minute!
We continue into downtown as it gets dark. Cassandra has to leave and Alex Jeff and I continue on to Star of India where Alex now departs at mile 60. Jeff and I continue on towards Chula Vista, via the harbor bike path. Once we get to mile 65 I hear the train crossing noise and begin to wonder if it might be a freight train which could sometimes take 10 or more minutes to pass. As we got closer we begin to hear a heavy sounding train coming and sure enough it was a freight train. We wait there for maybe 10 minutes as it reversed directions and cleared a path in front of it enough to pass by. The train crossing arms were still down and lights flashing with the noise, but it didn't look like it was going anywhere so I told Jeff let's just go for it. We made it across fine and I thought to myself how this would never happen in any other race.
We kept meeting Whitney in the van every 5 or so miles and eventually Luke had shown up to help her crew. Thank you so much Luke, I had wanted someone to come help Whitney crew through the night mainly for safety and the person that I had asked to come out wasnt able to come for some reason. This actually was a bigger wrench in my plans than the freight train. I didn't want Whitney out here by herself crewing me, for safety reasons and because it would have allowed Whitney to take a break. No lie, I almost legitimately called the run off at this point as I cared more about putting Whitney in an compromised situation that I didn't want her to be in than I cared about the run. It really upset me that a friend would let me down so gigantically in such a big way that it almost caused this whole thing to stop. A friend I had selflessly been there for on multiple occasions when called upon for help. It was the story of my life, giving giving giving and the one time I need something back I get disappointment. Thankfully I'm used to disappointment so I was able to roll with it but this was an interesting wrench that was thrown in there as a unique spiritual challenge to my run. It wasnt about me, I'm used to disappointment. It was about Whitney and what I'm asking of her and to find that I couldn't accommodate her in the way that I believed to be necessary almost made it such that I was willing to take away things from myself, such as a finish of this run, just because I care that much more about her than something I'm trying to do for fun.
Whitney wouldn't have any of that though. She would press for me to go on and she would figure something out. Luckily, the universe put Luke and his friend out there at the time when he was needed but not called upon by me in the original plan. This allowed me the peace of mind to know that Whitney had company so thank you so much Luke. You saved the day and my mind!
Eli!!! Eli showed up ready to run with me over his Mt. Miguel trails that he knows like the back of his hand which I was completely unfamiliar with. This was the only spot on the course I was unfamiliar with and it was necessary to have someone along to guide me up and over to Rancho San Diego. Scott Crellin, RD of Cuyamaca 100k, also volunteered to meet me at 10pm and come along to show me the best way over. There are many gates and stuff blocking the way through those trails so together they gave me 100% confidence that we would be able to get through their just fine.
This part probably ended up being my least favorite part of the run, no offense Eli and Scott, if only because it was mile 80-90 after running an 11:30-12:00 pace all day and it was rocky technical at times steep trails in my Altra road shoes with no grip. We made it through to Rancho San Diego and crossed Steele Canyon Bridge to see some bright headlights at the end. Was that Whitney? No, the headlights were a lot different. Police? I hope not. We approach and it's a guy named Damon who was out there in a truck with aid and water and a massage gun. Man, talk about a hero!!! Absolute hero of the night and he was able to take Scott back home. Awesome. Thank you so much Damon!
Now it's just Eli and myself as we head towards El Cajon, and its gotten cold. Mile 90+ I started to slow down a bit because of the energy that Miguell took outta me. To be honest I hadn't done a lot of those kinds of trails during training so my body wasnt handling it well.
I drop off Eli at Chase and Jamacha Rd and continue on alone as Whitney leapfrogged me in the van, virtually a mile at a time to make sure I was alright. Some police came and asked her if she was alright, as she was pulled over on Jamacha at 2am. She told them I was running 200 miles and they said "God Bless him" lol.
We finally hit mile 100 off Lake Jennings Rd and it was about 4:43am on Saturday morning. I jump into the van and tell Whitney I need a break as I was starting to pull 20 min miles. Better to rest up and get back to 13-15min miles than to drudge out 20 min miles for 1 hour+. So I took a 1 hour nap in the van and woke up to someone honking their horn at us to get out of the way. Okay, time to get up and get out and start shuffling uphill towards Alpine and Viejas.
The break was a brilliant idea as I had started getting back to a normal 13-15 min pace and felt so much better. I continued on this gradual uphill towards Alpine and was walking on the opposite side of the street from an older man walking his 2 dogs. Boy I love dogs. They were keeping a pretty good pace and when I would fall behind I would start shuffling just to keep up with them. He must've went 3 miles from Tavern Rd to Willows Rd before he looked over my way as I was shuffling, smiled, waved and asked me where I was going and where I had come from. I told him I started in Escondido and told him my route. He asked if I was doing this for charity or something. I told him, "No, I just felt like running". He laughed, as he got the reference and told me good luck.
I'm at 112 miles in and it's about 9:30am I'm pulling into Viejas Rez. As I round the corner i see and hear bird singing and instantly feel pumped. How awesome, Ral and his boys greeted me by singing me in and singing me out. What a great reception and just the energy I needed. I was starting to feel pretty physically exhausted.
When planning the route I had told Ral I would be passing by his place at mile 113 and asked if we could stop by so Whitney might have a place to sleep. When we got there, Ral and Vanessa invited me in their home and had the most incredible layout of aid, fresh fruits Gatorade, everything really. I was so appreciative of their hospitality, and chatted with them a bit about where I was at mentally. I was telling Ral that "I know I make it look easy, and you might be tempted to think its Phillip, he can do this no problem, but honestly this might not happen". Ral responded, "You say that but I know you'll finish it". These remarks as expressed similarly by other friends throughout the weekend, really weighed on me. How do all these people have more confidence in me than I do in myself right now? They don't know the mental struggle inside my mind right now and they are fresh so it's easy to say and it's okay to not be superhuman, Phillip. When I drop at mile 138 or so its gonna disappoint everyone and they're gonna console me with "that's still pretty far" but i will know that they expected more and that i failed. People are only interested in me because they think I can do the impossible but if i don't then all that changes. What am I gonna do with the people expecting me at 6pm or so? Should I just tell Whitney to tell them not to come out? I dont wanna waste their time.
These are all the thoughts my mind tried to convince me of. And when it's coming from your own mind, you tend to believe it. But from last month's training I remember this phenomenon. Your mind will always try to fill in gaps and predict a future that is not certain in order to save you from some pain or discomfort later on. It anticipates the worst and convinces you that that's the guaranteed outcome. But I know when this happens you are best to tell yourself that you dont know shit about the future just like weathermen dont know shit about the future and it's at best a guess. You have to just keep moving forward and only be in the present moment or else your mind will sabotage the shit outta you!
So Gloria and Colleen show up and together with Ral we head up Viejas Grade towards Descanso. I'm glad they came along. Their fresh energy and badass experience was what I needed to get me to keep trudging along and take my mind off my struggles. We got to the top and I was pretty tired. Here's a pic:
We finally get to Merrigan Aid Station mile 120 and its gotta be 12pm noon on Saturday. I take a break to eat and put my trail shoes on and thank Ral for joining us this far. Gloria, Colleen and I head out towards Green Valley mile 125.
During this section I'm feeling so tired I take a 30 second nap on a rock. I tell myself as soon as we get to Green Valley I'm taking a nap again and hopping in the van.
Well surprise surprise as soon as we get there we pick up Jessica Deline and we see Whitney but no van. The campground was closed apparently and she couldn't bring the van in, which was 1 mile away on the main road. Gloria suggests I lay down on the dirt and nap which was a good idea. I didn't sleep just rested and got up shortly after to get going again. I wanted to take a sweater up to the top because I knew it would get cold at night and all I had on was my tank top (and shorts obviously you pervert) so I had whitney run to the van to get it while we waited. It was taking longer than it should have so Gloria decided to go look for her -- bad idea. Gloria doesnt have the best sense of where she's at ever really so it was like sending Dory to find Nemo. It took about 20 min before Whitney came back then an extra 5 min before Gloria showed up then we left. I was so distracted by the long wait that I failed to take a headlamp or any calories with me for this next 13 mile section before Paso Picacho. Great. I was moving a 25 min pace anyway and told Whitney its looking like 5 to 6 hours until I get there.
Because I know this section well (it follows the Cuyamaca 100k course to Paso) I had the hardest time dealing with how long this section would take. I visualized each part and dreaded the slow walk we would inevitably take to get through there. I had some short bursts of energy to start running again which helped but the trek up to the peak was for the most part a slow hike.
But man, was it a beautiful sunset as we hiked up to the peak. All of us noted how we never do this trail at this time of day so this was an awesome treat we've never had. This was a moment where I realized how glad I am I did this course this way and how smart I am for not paying $1500 to look for a beautiful 200 miler elsewhere -- BEAUTY IS LITERALLY IN OUR BACKYARD FOR FREE!
We start the switchbacks up to the peak and if you know those you know how they can be never ending sometimes. I was completely falling apart mentally at this point and I starting getting super anxious feeling and it was like my mind was replaying this nightmare scene where I'm on these neverending switchback trails up this mountain as we're getting colder and colder. I needed to play 3 little birds to calm me down. I started shedding tears at the thought of having someone remind you that everything is gonna be alright. Falling apart. It's okay, it's okay. It's literally going to be fine. I start playing and singing other music to help take my mind off of things, like I might do when I'm driving while tired to keep me awake. We get to the Peak finally and my God how beautiful to see all of San Diego at night from up here! Wow. What a gift.
Okay down towards Conejos, the most rocky technical downhill trail in San Diego at mile 135 on tired legs with no headlamp just a cell phone flashlight, how bad could this be. Well, luckily we survived without pulling a Zach Bitter.
We got down to Paso and it was FREEZING. I was still in my tank top and I think it must've hit mid 20s in some sections. Brr.. I made an agreement as I was coming down that I'm going to jump in the van and fall asleep. I started making compromised. I told myself I will just sleep until 5am and finish the remaining 65 miles in 24 hours to finish the 200 in 72 hours total, my cutoff. Yeah that sounds fine to me. Whitney will just have to tell people to go home. I don't care at this point I'm so miserable.
I get down there and EVERYONE is there, Ricky, Robert, Saul, Omeed, Gloria Colleen. Fuck. Well, regardless I still have to take my nap I've been wanting since Green Valley. I hop in the van and rest for 1 hour to Whitney waking me up and telling me "hey you've been asleep for an hour". "I've been what? Asleep? No... an hour? Feel like its been 15 min... I guess I could still go back to sleep like my plan... but these guys came out here and are still here late Saturday night expecting to run through the night. I can't let them down. They came here to support me and get on those trails. I can at least get up and walk with them to Chambers and see how I feel.
I get up and out of the van and feel instantly so much fresher than when I entered it. I had scarfed down 2 cup o noodles before sleeping and it helped bring me back to life with the sleep. So I tell Whitney to gather the guys and our Kogalla army marches forward through the night.
"When you break down
Make it a breakthrough
And do exactly what you're afraid to do
Day and night
Life is dark and bright
And together with your shadow
You'll get through"
What great company the guys were! Ricky, Omeed, Saul and Robert were all there to pace me through mile 161. And when I had fallen asleep it wasn't quite clear whether or not 161 would happen, but as we started climbing up Stonewall the mental fog started clearing and I began to see further than 161. My mind's eye starting being able to see myself running for a good while now. This could definitely happen, I just gotta keep the pace smart and conservative at 15 min pace.
As we approached Lake Cuyamaca and Chambers we walked over the wooden bridge that leads to the dike and Ricky stopped the guys to draw attention to something in the meadows of the lakebed about 100 feet away. "Hey, look, you guys see those deer?". They all stopped and looked while I continued on with Omeed, being too close to the next point to want to stop. All of a sudden I hear them stampede behind me saying "stay together as a group guys!" Thinking they were just being funny, I was surprised to hear Robert say "I can't believe that was a mtn lion that was my first time seeing one, pretty cool" "with a cub also" someone else chimed in. Oh wow, I think, but i remain unfazed. Robert jokes that at least he knows he could outrun me, to which I respond by busting a sub9 min pace across the dike telling him to think again and joked back that the reason I asked him along was that he was the one person I knew I could outrun even when ass tired.
We get to Chambers, get some stuff, Colleen and Gloria decided to stay and crew with Whitney which was so awesome thank you ladies. The guys are a little hesitant to go back out the way we came as they hear cat screams from that direction. So in the city it was a freight train now it's a mountain lion. We agree to just start walking slowly towards where we need to go and stick together. Picture 5 grown ass men huddling next to each other afraid to move lol. We eventually make it over and safely start to shuffle. Phew, what a close call.
**CHEAWWWW**
A mountain lion scream literally 5 feet from us.
fuckin Robert.
We approach Pedro Fages mile 150 at around 2am, 45 hours in. It's looking like I will get a 48hr PR pretty soon, on a pretty hilly course no less. Crazy.
These were fun and memorable times running with the boys through the night. I hallucinated a couple of times seeing Donald Duck toys after Ricky mentioned a duck while we all had a pee break. Turned out to be just leaves. I saw a boa constrictor too. I must've hallucinated about 10 times during this whole thing, nothing too crazy though. One of my favorite parts of the delirium of the early morning is when Ricky drew attention to Robert's sparkly looking dance pants lmfao! As soon as he pointed it out I couldn't help but see dance pants and wonder why Robert was wearing dance pants.
We get to mile 157 on Banner Grade and meet with Whitney and Colleen. By the time we leave it is over the 48hr mark. Incredible. We start marching up the side of the highway for what I remembered to have supposed to been only 0.25 miles at most but the map seemed to have called for 1.25 miles. Funny, I dont remember that, I think to myself. Seems kinda dangerous for that long. Luckily, there wasnt much if any traffic. There was however one car that came hauling around the corner as Robert yelled "CAR" we all jumped to what little shoulder we could as I heard someone behind me fall into the bushes on the side. "Ohp! Shit.." as he picked himself back up, "Not gonna lie, I freaked out, that guy sounded like he was coming in FAST". In retrospect it's a hilarious memory because it seemed kind of dramatic and I thought it was Robert who would've done something like that but he was right the guy was coming fast around the corner. Thankfully 2 of us had reflective vests, one in front and one in back of the pack, and we all had kogala lights so we were pretty visible.
We finally approach the trail we're supposed to go on and it's a little side trail instead of a wide road strewn with RVs and abandoned vehicles that I remember when scouting this area. Robert is confident that this is the way and guides us forward. We consult the map and oddly enough it does show we're on the right trail. But the trail is so overgrown its almost indiscernible. We bushwacked about 1.5 miles up until it connected to the main road. Bushwacking at mile 161 is not the business lemme tell you.
As we get to Whispering Pines, passing many cool mines along the way, Robert leans over to me and whispers in my ear "I'm a tree" and does so at least 3 more times before I get what he's trying to get at. Such a Robert joke.
The sun is coming up at this point and spirits coming up along with it. I feel so stoked! Time to bid the guys farewell and pick up my new pacers, Allen Su and Luke. I was going to take a nap again until i remembered that Nell was planning on meeting me at 7am or so Sunday morning with a group of friends. Crap, I don't wanna make them wait like I made the guys wait unless I absolutely had to. I take some time to regroup then finally head off towards and through the town of Julian.
I went to school in Julian so it was weird running by the high school, remembering my times as a fat kid in Jr. High who never ran. The fat kid who had a lot of heart but is fat so wasnt capable of athletic greatness according to one teacher at the high school. What great irony that I'm running past that school now, past the track, at 163 miles of my 200 mile run. It was also a recurring nightmare of mine to miss the school bus home and in my dream I would have to make this long arduous trip home on foot. Now, I would be making the trip from the school to home, at mile 185, on foot. Facing my childhood nightmare.
We approach Santa Ysabel East Preserve and see Nell with all of her friends there to meet me and run the trails towards Mesa Grande. What great energy to wake me up and keep me going strong. Mile 165 to 173. Could this really happen? I'm getting so close.
We pull up to mile 173 and Ral shows up like a hallucination but for real and he stays through mile 180, as Vanessa, his wife, comes out and joins in support as we run up Mesa Grande Rd towards Mesa Grande Store. I'm surprised I ran straight up the thing, felt pretty good the whole time. Poor Nell, doesn't like roads so I appreciated her for doing this part with me. I shared conversation with Keith and Lorenz and others as we pulled into Old Mesa Grande Store, my childhood bus stop at around 12:30pm Sunday.
I take a little break and say goodbye to the big group of trail friends, as well as Ral and Vanessa. In come Spring and Sonia to help pace me through to the finish. I told Nell as she was updating me on who was going to be coming to pace at 180 to tell Spring not to come because I would drop her. Apparently they thought I was joking lol. I was kind enough and chill enough to not stress about going too fast at this point.
Sarah showed up like I manifested her with my thoughts! I was totally thinking she should show up at mile 180 because I had actually wanted to take her out to the roads to run at home because I knew she would enjoy the beauty. So she followed Whitney down to the canyon, mile 185, while Spring, Sonia and I made our way down at a 13min pace. I was right, Sarah absolutely loved how beautiful it was.
We made it down to the canyon and I dropped by my dad's, my childhood home, but the door was locked and nobody home. Hm. I told him I might be coming by on Sunday. Weird. I see him pull up all of a sudden in his black Nissan. Apparently someone from off the rez was coming on the rez and causing trouble somehow so they thought the van and SUV were the troublemakers. No wonder we were met with questioning looks. Btw note the lack of reception from my tribe compared to Viejas. I thought that was interesting.
"Yes," I responded and you could tell he recognized a person just like himself doing his own thing involving lateral movement as a form of meditation. I smiled at him and continued running down the boardwalk. Pretty cool synchronicity.
Hey! Its Becca and Ricky on beach cruisers, jumping in to pace me for a mile on this most beautiful afternoon. They were awesome to see and have join me and what a great idea with their cruisers! That looked like so much fun, but then again everything does when you do something like run 200 miles. I really enjoy their company and it was a great lift of spirits. Thank you so much for being such awesome, supportive and caring people.
Before Becca and Ricky and before Slomo, as I was on the boardwalk i have to say I was having the happiest moment of my entire run and probably the happiest running moment I've ever had. The boardwalk was full of people, music was playing, the sun was out, I was feeling fresh as a daisy nearly 50 miles into this run. As I was looking at people crossing paths with me and as I heard Sonny and Cher's "I got you babe" playing from one of the foodstands on the boardwalk, I had this moment of pure happiness and gratitude for being alive at that very moment.
I felt a moment of bliss for being alive in this moment of time with other humans as we're all beautifully fumbling around trying to make sense of this all. A gratitude for all we have created in this sliver of existence of the last 100 years. A moment of clarity that we are all One and connected. The opposite of loneliness.
I loved the stupidity of humans, how often we get things wrong and think so highly of ourselves. I loved the creativity of humans to create so much music that we collectively connect through via shared memories and familiarity with the song. I loved that we are all here together being part of an infinitely growing organism yet acting like we are all separate units. I loved humanity in all its errs and stupidity, beauty and ugliness. It was pretty cool.
These are the moments we must savor. We may not understand why they happen or where they come from, but when you're than genuinely happy, no matter what it's about, make it last and be entirely there. Do not stifle it. Laugh loudly and smile till your cheeks hurt. There's absolutely no reason to be embarrassed at looking or sounding silly. Life is ending and those moments are the epitome of why we are here. Do not waste them on the silliness of needing to look good or sane to this world of weird expectations for social behavior. None of this need be taken too seriously, but be as sincere as you can possibly be.
Time to pick up Alex! Surprise guest of Cassandra! Cool! We leave Belmont Park and head towards Sunset Cliffs to try to catch the sunset in time. Great company makes the miles go by quick! As we pull into Sunset Cliffs I see another surprise as Jeff Miller is there on the sidewalk ready to run! How awesome. We continue onwards as I run up the aptly named Hill St. I can't believe how good I was feeling at this point in the run.
Jeff's friend Brian lives right off Talbot and was awesome enough to have a little aid station for us in front of his garage. I so appreciate him for doing this especially so last minute!
We continue into downtown as it gets dark. Cassandra has to leave and Alex Jeff and I continue on to Star of India where Alex now departs at mile 60. Jeff and I continue on towards Chula Vista, via the harbor bike path. Once we get to mile 65 I hear the train crossing noise and begin to wonder if it might be a freight train which could sometimes take 10 or more minutes to pass. As we got closer we begin to hear a heavy sounding train coming and sure enough it was a freight train. We wait there for maybe 10 minutes as it reversed directions and cleared a path in front of it enough to pass by. The train crossing arms were still down and lights flashing with the noise, but it didn't look like it was going anywhere so I told Jeff let's just go for it. We made it across fine and I thought to myself how this would never happen in any other race.
We kept meeting Whitney in the van every 5 or so miles and eventually Luke had shown up to help her crew. Thank you so much Luke, I had wanted someone to come help Whitney crew through the night mainly for safety and the person that I had asked to come out wasnt able to come for some reason. This actually was a bigger wrench in my plans than the freight train. I didn't want Whitney out here by herself crewing me, for safety reasons and because it would have allowed Whitney to take a break. No lie, I almost legitimately called the run off at this point as I cared more about putting Whitney in an compromised situation that I didn't want her to be in than I cared about the run. It really upset me that a friend would let me down so gigantically in such a big way that it almost caused this whole thing to stop. A friend I had selflessly been there for on multiple occasions when called upon for help. It was the story of my life, giving giving giving and the one time I need something back I get disappointment. Thankfully I'm used to disappointment so I was able to roll with it but this was an interesting wrench that was thrown in there as a unique spiritual challenge to my run. It wasnt about me, I'm used to disappointment. It was about Whitney and what I'm asking of her and to find that I couldn't accommodate her in the way that I believed to be necessary almost made it such that I was willing to take away things from myself, such as a finish of this run, just because I care that much more about her than something I'm trying to do for fun.
Whitney wouldn't have any of that though. She would press for me to go on and she would figure something out. Luckily, the universe put Luke and his friend out there at the time when he was needed but not called upon by me in the original plan. This allowed me the peace of mind to know that Whitney had company so thank you so much Luke. You saved the day and my mind!
Eli!!! Eli showed up ready to run with me over his Mt. Miguel trails that he knows like the back of his hand which I was completely unfamiliar with. This was the only spot on the course I was unfamiliar with and it was necessary to have someone along to guide me up and over to Rancho San Diego. Scott Crellin, RD of Cuyamaca 100k, also volunteered to meet me at 10pm and come along to show me the best way over. There are many gates and stuff blocking the way through those trails so together they gave me 100% confidence that we would be able to get through their just fine.
This part probably ended up being my least favorite part of the run, no offense Eli and Scott, if only because it was mile 80-90 after running an 11:30-12:00 pace all day and it was rocky technical at times steep trails in my Altra road shoes with no grip. We made it through to Rancho San Diego and crossed Steele Canyon Bridge to see some bright headlights at the end. Was that Whitney? No, the headlights were a lot different. Police? I hope not. We approach and it's a guy named Damon who was out there in a truck with aid and water and a massage gun. Man, talk about a hero!!! Absolute hero of the night and he was able to take Scott back home. Awesome. Thank you so much Damon!
Now it's just Eli and myself as we head towards El Cajon, and its gotten cold. Mile 90+ I started to slow down a bit because of the energy that Miguell took outta me. To be honest I hadn't done a lot of those kinds of trails during training so my body wasnt handling it well.
I drop off Eli at Chase and Jamacha Rd and continue on alone as Whitney leapfrogged me in the van, virtually a mile at a time to make sure I was alright. Some police came and asked her if she was alright, as she was pulled over on Jamacha at 2am. She told them I was running 200 miles and they said "God Bless him" lol.
We finally hit mile 100 off Lake Jennings Rd and it was about 4:43am on Saturday morning. I jump into the van and tell Whitney I need a break as I was starting to pull 20 min miles. Better to rest up and get back to 13-15min miles than to drudge out 20 min miles for 1 hour+. So I took a 1 hour nap in the van and woke up to someone honking their horn at us to get out of the way. Okay, time to get up and get out and start shuffling uphill towards Alpine and Viejas.
The break was a brilliant idea as I had started getting back to a normal 13-15 min pace and felt so much better. I continued on this gradual uphill towards Alpine and was walking on the opposite side of the street from an older man walking his 2 dogs. Boy I love dogs. They were keeping a pretty good pace and when I would fall behind I would start shuffling just to keep up with them. He must've went 3 miles from Tavern Rd to Willows Rd before he looked over my way as I was shuffling, smiled, waved and asked me where I was going and where I had come from. I told him I started in Escondido and told him my route. He asked if I was doing this for charity or something. I told him, "No, I just felt like running". He laughed, as he got the reference and told me good luck.
I'm at 112 miles in and it's about 9:30am I'm pulling into Viejas Rez. As I round the corner i see and hear bird singing and instantly feel pumped. How awesome, Ral and his boys greeted me by singing me in and singing me out. What a great reception and just the energy I needed. I was starting to feel pretty physically exhausted.
When planning the route I had told Ral I would be passing by his place at mile 113 and asked if we could stop by so Whitney might have a place to sleep. When we got there, Ral and Vanessa invited me in their home and had the most incredible layout of aid, fresh fruits Gatorade, everything really. I was so appreciative of their hospitality, and chatted with them a bit about where I was at mentally. I was telling Ral that "I know I make it look easy, and you might be tempted to think its Phillip, he can do this no problem, but honestly this might not happen". Ral responded, "You say that but I know you'll finish it". These remarks as expressed similarly by other friends throughout the weekend, really weighed on me. How do all these people have more confidence in me than I do in myself right now? They don't know the mental struggle inside my mind right now and they are fresh so it's easy to say and it's okay to not be superhuman, Phillip. When I drop at mile 138 or so its gonna disappoint everyone and they're gonna console me with "that's still pretty far" but i will know that they expected more and that i failed. People are only interested in me because they think I can do the impossible but if i don't then all that changes. What am I gonna do with the people expecting me at 6pm or so? Should I just tell Whitney to tell them not to come out? I dont wanna waste their time.
These are all the thoughts my mind tried to convince me of. And when it's coming from your own mind, you tend to believe it. But from last month's training I remember this phenomenon. Your mind will always try to fill in gaps and predict a future that is not certain in order to save you from some pain or discomfort later on. It anticipates the worst and convinces you that that's the guaranteed outcome. But I know when this happens you are best to tell yourself that you dont know shit about the future just like weathermen dont know shit about the future and it's at best a guess. You have to just keep moving forward and only be in the present moment or else your mind will sabotage the shit outta you!
So Gloria and Colleen show up and together with Ral we head up Viejas Grade towards Descanso. I'm glad they came along. Their fresh energy and badass experience was what I needed to get me to keep trudging along and take my mind off my struggles. We got to the top and I was pretty tired. Here's a pic:
We finally get to Merrigan Aid Station mile 120 and its gotta be 12pm noon on Saturday. I take a break to eat and put my trail shoes on and thank Ral for joining us this far. Gloria, Colleen and I head out towards Green Valley mile 125.
During this section I'm feeling so tired I take a 30 second nap on a rock. I tell myself as soon as we get to Green Valley I'm taking a nap again and hopping in the van.
Well surprise surprise as soon as we get there we pick up Jessica Deline and we see Whitney but no van. The campground was closed apparently and she couldn't bring the van in, which was 1 mile away on the main road. Gloria suggests I lay down on the dirt and nap which was a good idea. I didn't sleep just rested and got up shortly after to get going again. I wanted to take a sweater up to the top because I knew it would get cold at night and all I had on was my tank top (and shorts obviously you pervert) so I had whitney run to the van to get it while we waited. It was taking longer than it should have so Gloria decided to go look for her -- bad idea. Gloria doesnt have the best sense of where she's at ever really so it was like sending Dory to find Nemo. It took about 20 min before Whitney came back then an extra 5 min before Gloria showed up then we left. I was so distracted by the long wait that I failed to take a headlamp or any calories with me for this next 13 mile section before Paso Picacho. Great. I was moving a 25 min pace anyway and told Whitney its looking like 5 to 6 hours until I get there.
Because I know this section well (it follows the Cuyamaca 100k course to Paso) I had the hardest time dealing with how long this section would take. I visualized each part and dreaded the slow walk we would inevitably take to get through there. I had some short bursts of energy to start running again which helped but the trek up to the peak was for the most part a slow hike.
But man, was it a beautiful sunset as we hiked up to the peak. All of us noted how we never do this trail at this time of day so this was an awesome treat we've never had. This was a moment where I realized how glad I am I did this course this way and how smart I am for not paying $1500 to look for a beautiful 200 miler elsewhere -- BEAUTY IS LITERALLY IN OUR BACKYARD FOR FREE!
We start the switchbacks up to the peak and if you know those you know how they can be never ending sometimes. I was completely falling apart mentally at this point and I starting getting super anxious feeling and it was like my mind was replaying this nightmare scene where I'm on these neverending switchback trails up this mountain as we're getting colder and colder. I needed to play 3 little birds to calm me down. I started shedding tears at the thought of having someone remind you that everything is gonna be alright. Falling apart. It's okay, it's okay. It's literally going to be fine. I start playing and singing other music to help take my mind off of things, like I might do when I'm driving while tired to keep me awake. We get to the Peak finally and my God how beautiful to see all of San Diego at night from up here! Wow. What a gift.
Okay down towards Conejos, the most rocky technical downhill trail in San Diego at mile 135 on tired legs with no headlamp just a cell phone flashlight, how bad could this be. Well, luckily we survived without pulling a Zach Bitter.
We got down to Paso and it was FREEZING. I was still in my tank top and I think it must've hit mid 20s in some sections. Brr.. I made an agreement as I was coming down that I'm going to jump in the van and fall asleep. I started making compromised. I told myself I will just sleep until 5am and finish the remaining 65 miles in 24 hours to finish the 200 in 72 hours total, my cutoff. Yeah that sounds fine to me. Whitney will just have to tell people to go home. I don't care at this point I'm so miserable.
I get down there and EVERYONE is there, Ricky, Robert, Saul, Omeed, Gloria Colleen. Fuck. Well, regardless I still have to take my nap I've been wanting since Green Valley. I hop in the van and rest for 1 hour to Whitney waking me up and telling me "hey you've been asleep for an hour". "I've been what? Asleep? No... an hour? Feel like its been 15 min... I guess I could still go back to sleep like my plan... but these guys came out here and are still here late Saturday night expecting to run through the night. I can't let them down. They came here to support me and get on those trails. I can at least get up and walk with them to Chambers and see how I feel.
I get up and out of the van and feel instantly so much fresher than when I entered it. I had scarfed down 2 cup o noodles before sleeping and it helped bring me back to life with the sleep. So I tell Whitney to gather the guys and our Kogalla army marches forward through the night.
"When you break down
Make it a breakthrough
And do exactly what you're afraid to do
Day and night
Life is dark and bright
And together with your shadow
You'll get through"
What great company the guys were! Ricky, Omeed, Saul and Robert were all there to pace me through mile 161. And when I had fallen asleep it wasn't quite clear whether or not 161 would happen, but as we started climbing up Stonewall the mental fog started clearing and I began to see further than 161. My mind's eye starting being able to see myself running for a good while now. This could definitely happen, I just gotta keep the pace smart and conservative at 15 min pace.
As we approached Lake Cuyamaca and Chambers we walked over the wooden bridge that leads to the dike and Ricky stopped the guys to draw attention to something in the meadows of the lakebed about 100 feet away. "Hey, look, you guys see those deer?". They all stopped and looked while I continued on with Omeed, being too close to the next point to want to stop. All of a sudden I hear them stampede behind me saying "stay together as a group guys!" Thinking they were just being funny, I was surprised to hear Robert say "I can't believe that was a mtn lion that was my first time seeing one, pretty cool" "with a cub also" someone else chimed in. Oh wow, I think, but i remain unfazed. Robert jokes that at least he knows he could outrun me, to which I respond by busting a sub9 min pace across the dike telling him to think again and joked back that the reason I asked him along was that he was the one person I knew I could outrun even when ass tired.
We get to Chambers, get some stuff, Colleen and Gloria decided to stay and crew with Whitney which was so awesome thank you ladies. The guys are a little hesitant to go back out the way we came as they hear cat screams from that direction. So in the city it was a freight train now it's a mountain lion. We agree to just start walking slowly towards where we need to go and stick together. Picture 5 grown ass men huddling next to each other afraid to move lol. We eventually make it over and safely start to shuffle. Phew, what a close call.
**CHEAWWWW**
A mountain lion scream literally 5 feet from us.
fuckin Robert.
We approach Pedro Fages mile 150 at around 2am, 45 hours in. It's looking like I will get a 48hr PR pretty soon, on a pretty hilly course no less. Crazy.
These were fun and memorable times running with the boys through the night. I hallucinated a couple of times seeing Donald Duck toys after Ricky mentioned a duck while we all had a pee break. Turned out to be just leaves. I saw a boa constrictor too. I must've hallucinated about 10 times during this whole thing, nothing too crazy though. One of my favorite parts of the delirium of the early morning is when Ricky drew attention to Robert's sparkly looking dance pants lmfao! As soon as he pointed it out I couldn't help but see dance pants and wonder why Robert was wearing dance pants.
We get to mile 157 on Banner Grade and meet with Whitney and Colleen. By the time we leave it is over the 48hr mark. Incredible. We start marching up the side of the highway for what I remembered to have supposed to been only 0.25 miles at most but the map seemed to have called for 1.25 miles. Funny, I dont remember that, I think to myself. Seems kinda dangerous for that long. Luckily, there wasnt much if any traffic. There was however one car that came hauling around the corner as Robert yelled "CAR" we all jumped to what little shoulder we could as I heard someone behind me fall into the bushes on the side. "Ohp! Shit.." as he picked himself back up, "Not gonna lie, I freaked out, that guy sounded like he was coming in FAST". In retrospect it's a hilarious memory because it seemed kind of dramatic and I thought it was Robert who would've done something like that but he was right the guy was coming fast around the corner. Thankfully 2 of us had reflective vests, one in front and one in back of the pack, and we all had kogala lights so we were pretty visible.
We finally approach the trail we're supposed to go on and it's a little side trail instead of a wide road strewn with RVs and abandoned vehicles that I remember when scouting this area. Robert is confident that this is the way and guides us forward. We consult the map and oddly enough it does show we're on the right trail. But the trail is so overgrown its almost indiscernible. We bushwacked about 1.5 miles up until it connected to the main road. Bushwacking at mile 161 is not the business lemme tell you.
As we get to Whispering Pines, passing many cool mines along the way, Robert leans over to me and whispers in my ear "I'm a tree" and does so at least 3 more times before I get what he's trying to get at. Such a Robert joke.
The sun is coming up at this point and spirits coming up along with it. I feel so stoked! Time to bid the guys farewell and pick up my new pacers, Allen Su and Luke. I was going to take a nap again until i remembered that Nell was planning on meeting me at 7am or so Sunday morning with a group of friends. Crap, I don't wanna make them wait like I made the guys wait unless I absolutely had to. I take some time to regroup then finally head off towards and through the town of Julian.
I went to school in Julian so it was weird running by the high school, remembering my times as a fat kid in Jr. High who never ran. The fat kid who had a lot of heart but is fat so wasnt capable of athletic greatness according to one teacher at the high school. What great irony that I'm running past that school now, past the track, at 163 miles of my 200 mile run. It was also a recurring nightmare of mine to miss the school bus home and in my dream I would have to make this long arduous trip home on foot. Now, I would be making the trip from the school to home, at mile 185, on foot. Facing my childhood nightmare.
We approach Santa Ysabel East Preserve and see Nell with all of her friends there to meet me and run the trails towards Mesa Grande. What great energy to wake me up and keep me going strong. Mile 165 to 173. Could this really happen? I'm getting so close.
We pull up to mile 173 and Ral shows up like a hallucination but for real and he stays through mile 180, as Vanessa, his wife, comes out and joins in support as we run up Mesa Grande Rd towards Mesa Grande Store. I'm surprised I ran straight up the thing, felt pretty good the whole time. Poor Nell, doesn't like roads so I appreciated her for doing this part with me. I shared conversation with Keith and Lorenz and others as we pulled into Old Mesa Grande Store, my childhood bus stop at around 12:30pm Sunday.
I take a little break and say goodbye to the big group of trail friends, as well as Ral and Vanessa. In come Spring and Sonia to help pace me through to the finish. I told Nell as she was updating me on who was going to be coming to pace at 180 to tell Spring not to come because I would drop her. Apparently they thought I was joking lol. I was kind enough and chill enough to not stress about going too fast at this point.
Sarah showed up like I manifested her with my thoughts! I was totally thinking she should show up at mile 180 because I had actually wanted to take her out to the roads to run at home because I knew she would enjoy the beauty. So she followed Whitney down to the canyon, mile 185, while Spring, Sonia and I made our way down at a 13min pace. I was right, Sarah absolutely loved how beautiful it was.
We made it down to the canyon and I dropped by my dad's, my childhood home, but the door was locked and nobody home. Hm. I told him I might be coming by on Sunday. Weird. I see him pull up all of a sudden in his black Nissan. Apparently someone from off the rez was coming on the rez and causing trouble somehow so they thought the van and SUV were the troublemakers. No wonder we were met with questioning looks. Btw note the lack of reception from my tribe compared to Viejas. I thought that was interesting.
So now its time to get those final 15 miles! We start running towards Pamo Valley and as soon as we get towards Pamo Valley I hear whooping and hollering. It's my next pacers, Cassandra and Tom Cross! They pick me up and from this point on I tell them I'm gonna speed up because I want to make it as close to 60 hours and 5pmish as possible. It was currently 3:30pm and I (unknowingly) had 12 miles to go at that point. 
I started pulling away from the pacer group of 4 once we hit the flat Pamo Rd. Cassandra was the only one to hang out. I thought it's now or never to take advantage of this flat and haul ass as much as possible. We were pulling a low 8 minute pace and I was feeling strong as hell. I pulled an 8:46 mile and pulled into the final meetup point at Orosco Ridge trailhead. Sarah and Whitney were there thankfully. I wasnt sure if they'd be able to find it as it wasnt listed on my map really. I quickly grab some fuel and a headlamp as the rest of my pacers pull up out of breath "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?" Tom says. Then Sonia and Spring pull up, all equally shook. They all agree they're not coming with for fear of me dropping them again, and arrange rides back.
I dunno why people think I'm joking sometimes lol. I asked Spring if she is really surprised. The one thing you shouldn't expect is for me to slow down after being tired at the end of a long haul. Spring and I joked before this about me pulling a 7 min pace and dropping her and i said that might happen lol. Well, cant say I didn't warn people.
Cassandra and I take off up the hill. We calculate I have 8 more miles to the finish. I think I have already hit 200 miles if not close. A lot more mileage than I expected and there's a short 4 mile way but no, that's not the course I signed up for. Up the hill we go.
My climbing muscles are pretty zapped at this point but I'm still running up this dang thing all 3 miles up. We get up and start making our way towards the finish. My headlamp is getting dim so she has an extra one and let's me use it. As a pacer, she comes extra prepared with everything which was awesome. She was great help in getting me to the finish.
We start to see the highway. This is really happening. 200 fuckin miles. I didn't think it would happen yet here it was happening.
I run as hard as I can up the last little hill, grab the yellow gate and yell "KUMEYAAY STRONG MOTHERFUCKERS! HELL YEAH!"
"THIS IS FOR YOU LEO! FOR YOU!"
"HELL FUCKIN YEAH!"
As I break down in emotion. I fuckin did it. And Leo would have been proud as hell. I did this because a year ago he got hit and killed by a car right around Thanksgiving. For the last year not a day went by that I didn't think about him and all the plans he had for himself. On his memorial cards for his services, we printed a picture of him with a quote along the lines of "don't leave for tomorrow what you could do today because who knows, you might not be here". And that is 100% why I grabbed myself by the balls and decided to finally just fuckin go for this goal that I had been planning for a while now. If I die pretty soon, let it be known that I left no fuckin stone unturned because that's the only way to truly honor the untimely death of my best friend. I hope you find it in you to do the same thing.
